BONUS: Understanding Grooming Behaviors (ft. Chris McGhee, Advocate)

In this important episode of Girl Dad Nation, I welcome back Chris McGhee, who courageously shares his family's story of trauma and resilience after his daughter was sexually assaulted by a police officer. Chris talks about the grooming behaviors of predators and provides practical advice for parents to recognize red flags and protect their children.

This conversation delves into the alarming statistics around child sexual abuse and the tactics predators use to gain trust, not only from children but also their families. Chris offers actionable insights on maintaining open communication with your children, recognizing inappropriate behavior, and setting healthy boundaries to prevent abuse.

Whether you're a parent, caregiver, or advocate, this episode is an essential listen for creating safer spaces for our children.

Resources:

• https://chrismcghee.com/ - Visit Chris's website for additional resources on preventing abuse and supporting survivors.
• If you or someone you know has been impacted by sexual abuse, reach out to organizations like RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit www.rainn.org.

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If this episode resonated with you or could help someone you know, please share it. Let's work together to build a strong community of informed and vigilant parents.

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Transcript

**Transcript Auto-Generated**

00:00:00:04 - 00:00:18:11
Chris McGhee
This is something that the dads have got to know about. We've got to be having these conversations about sexual assault guy down here.

00:00:20:04 - 00:00:45:19
Matthew Krekeler
Welcome back to Girl Dad Nation. I had a really great episode with Chris McGhee where he shares his personal story about dealing with the sexual assault of his daughter and just the healing process there, what his family went through and then now he's an advocate for change, to change lives so that this doesn't happen again. But I wanted to invite Chris back to give practical advice for understanding grooming behavior.

00:00:46:09 - 00:00:47:22
Matthew Krekeler
So, Chris, welcome back to the show.

00:00:48:11 - 00:00:51:00
Chris McGhee
Hey, Matthew, thanks for having me back. I appreciate it.

00:00:52:06 - 00:01:03:21
Matthew Krekeler
So as a dad, I wanted you to just share a little bit of your story and yeah, some of the statistics so that dads can understand grooming behavior.

00:01:05:08 - 00:01:45:13
Chris McGhee
Yeah. So unfortunately, Matthew, that this is something that the dads have got to know about. We've got to be having these conversations about sexual assault. The the the fact of the matter is that chances are most most at most people know someone who has been sexually assaulted. One in nine girls and one in 20 boys under the age of 18 experience some form of sexual abuse or sexual assault.

00:01:46:00 - 00:02:23:10
Chris McGhee
You know, so the numbers are not good. 82% of all victims under the age of 18 are female. Right. And in girls ages 16 to 19 are four times more likely to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. So this stuff is not fun. Nobody likes talking about this stuff. But you know that we simply have to we have to lean into these conversations.

00:02:23:11 - 00:03:03:03
Chris McGhee
This is this is our reality. The the the long term impacts are are also pretty scary, right? 81% of women and 35% of men report long term impact from a sexual assault or rape. Survivors are four times more likely to attempt suicide because of these these crimes against them. And survivors are about four times more likely to experience post-traumatic stress disorder once they become adults.

00:03:04:03 - 00:03:36:22
Chris McGhee
So this is this is something we all need to be aware of because, again, chances are it's it it's impacting someone, you know. And so as dads, we've got to be vigilant. We've got to be having these conversations. They suck. Nobody wants to have these conversations. But it's it's just the reality. You know, a lot of times I, I know when I grew up, it was all about a stranger, stranger danger.

00:03:37:03 - 00:04:20:11
Chris McGhee
I, you know, we got to be mindful of the of the the the the homeless person down on the park ride because that's the person that's going to attack you. And the reality is, is that most sexual assaults are committed by somebody that is known by the victim. Right. It is someone that positions themselves as a family friend, a mentor, someone that cares about this person, when in reality, they are simply looking to use their their relationship to take advantage.

00:04:20:11 - 00:05:02:10
Chris McGhee
And so what happens is they they groom the victim. Right. And grooming it is this idea of slowly building a relationship that is all based on trust and and it's building an emotional connection with that child or that young adult so that they can manipulate and exploit them. Right. So that they they we estimate that up to 99% of all cases of child sexual abuse involve some element of sexual grooming.

00:05:03:11 - 00:05:35:04
Chris McGhee
I the the notion that it's that stranger is is that assaults happen from a stranger are simply not true. There definitely are cases where it is unknown. It is someone that is is is completely unknown. But the vast majority of them are being committed by someone that that is known by the by the victim, by the family. That's exactly what happened in our case.

00:05:36:06 - 00:06:08:00
Chris McGhee
A police officer sexually assaulted my daughter, and he did it by using his position, by using his authority, by telling us all of the things that we wanted to hear. You know, he cares about her. He wants to mentor her. He's he's he understands. And and we can trust him. And he he obviously use that that relationship to betray.

00:06:08:16 - 00:06:44:20
Chris McGhee
My wife and I, as well as as my daughter. So. But it doesn't happen overnight. Right. So often these predators are not so often they look for specific traits. They look for what they consider easy targets. Right. They look for people who have been previously assaulted. My daughter, when she was a freshman in high school, was raped by a classmate.

00:06:46:01 - 00:07:19:02
Chris McGhee
So she had been previously assaulted. She was struggling with what happened to her. And so when this officer found out about that, he used that. And in fact, after the assaults took place, he actually said, you know, you you've previously made this this claim of being raped, so nobody's going to believe you. Plus, I'm an officer. Right. So.

00:07:19:02 - 00:07:56:14
Chris McGhee
So these predators will will seek out people that they feel that they can take advantage of. So. So something to be aware. Aware of. If your child has previously been sexually assaulted. If they have been assaulted by by someone else, they are. That puts them at a much higher risk of being assaulted. Again, these predators are looking for people that they're looking for kids, that they're in tough, tough situations at home.

00:07:57:03 - 00:08:20:09
Chris McGhee
You know, maybe, maybe both parents are working multiple jobs and they're home alone in the evenings. And so they're they're going to slowly ingratiate themselves with with mom and dad and say, you know, let me let me help out. Tell you what, let me let me take the kids out after school. Let me let me come over and help.

00:08:20:09 - 00:08:50:09
Chris McGhee
You know, I want to help. They're looking for kids that are in vulnerable positions. They're looking for kids that when when they know parents are going through a divorce, they are they're looking for for kids that they they feel that they can exploit. Then they the the family is going to look at this this person, this predator as someone that is there to help.

00:08:51:11 - 00:09:02:07
Chris McGhee
And so they're very cognizant of who they select to to target and ultimately abuse.

00:09:03:06 - 00:09:35:14
Matthew Krekeler
And so, like, as you mentioned, it's someone that gains trust not just with the kid, but also the parents. And yeah, like, I know, like, you're you're trying to our natural inclination is to first go to trust and especially people who have have authority that should be in positions of trust. And that's, I'm sure, incredibly difficult when that trust is abused by it.

00:09:35:18 - 00:10:03:10
Matthew Krekeler
What what would you say to parents as like practical advice, practical tips to avoid those situations on things to look out for? Yeah, those red flags, warning signs. And then also in the preventative sense. Yeah. Yeah. To not yeah. Have these situations have that response.

00:10:03:12 - 00:10:49:08
Chris McGhee
So so you know life happens, right? So divorce happens. We got to work extra jobs. There are things that that, you know, just. Yeah, we can we can always be available. Right. So we have to be mindful. We have to be vigilant. We've got to we've got to be very aware of these situations when when the family is is being disrupted, whether it's a divorce, whether it is, you know, mom or dad house has to move to a different city for a job, whatever that may be.

00:10:51:01 - 00:11:36:14
Chris McGhee
We've got to be aware that our the children could be much more vulnerable in those situations. So things to look out for are when when we are dealing with with someone that is wanting to spend a far more time with your child than is appropriate. So in in our case, he was a police officer. He had children of his own.

00:11:36:14 - 00:12:11:04
Chris McGhee
He was he was in a relationship. And and he's wanting to hang out in his free time with a 15 year old girl. You know, that's something that that we should be aware of so that is not to say that everyone who is wanting to to take your kid home for practice is going to assault your child. But you you want to be mindful of these things.

00:12:11:11 - 00:12:43:09
Chris McGhee
If this is a pattern, you want to have conversations with your child, what is what is the communication like? Now, one of the things that that happened in our cases, rather than continuing to text her, he wanted all communications on Snapchat. Why? Well, because Snapchat are the texts go away, right? So images go away. And so he knew he needed to cover his tracks.

00:12:45:14 - 00:13:22:02
Chris McGhee
Groomers will often trap their victims, such as providing alcohol. Right. I bought you a six pack. You know, I could get in trouble, but you could also get in trouble. Right. And so now they've got something to hang over their head. So if if you are struggling to maintain that open communication with your child, that's that's also that could present a challenge.

00:13:22:14 - 00:14:10:03
Chris McGhee
So you just want to be aware of that kind of a situation when this person is is, you know, again, wanting to to spend alone time with your child, wanting to have secrets with your child. You know, the assaults, the grooming is a process. It isn't going to happen all at once. So it happens slowly by building that trust and them getting information from your child that they can ultimately use against them.

00:14:10:21 - 00:14:37:16
Chris McGhee
So this is why it's so critical for you to be having open conversations with your child so that they are able to share with you the nature of some of those conversations. Now, not everything they're going to want to share, but if you're seeing that, they're they're they're very secretive about certain relationships that should be sending up some red flags.

00:14:37:19 - 00:15:09:17
Chris McGhee
You know, that's the sort of thing that that we that we want to be very mindful of. When you have adults that are having inappropriate conversations with your child, whether it is of a sexual nature or it is, you know, they're sharing stories of drug or alcohol abuse. If they are having conversations that are not age appropriate. That's stuff to be aware of.

00:15:09:19 - 00:15:38:22
Chris McGhee
That is stuff to absolutely be leaning into and finding out what's going on. Young adults who are trying to to build connections with your child's friends, with, again, the family. These are all things to to to just be mindful of. Want to be clear? These things alone, these one asked, do not automatically mean that this person is actually grooming your child.

00:15:40:14 - 00:16:04:15
Chris McGhee
But you want to take a look at the big picture. And and you want to be making notes of things. And and and this is also when you want to be having conversations with your child about setting very clear and healthy boundaries and making sure they know that they can come talk to you if things are going off the rails.

00:16:06:06 - 00:16:06:13
Chris McGhee
Yeah.

00:16:06:23 - 00:16:31:04
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. I think that's really great advice. I think it starts first with building that trust and relationship with the parents and child and establishing what a healthy relationship is. What healthy communication is. Appropriate communication versus inappropriate communication. And then being able to identify that with other strangers or close, close people, other other people and trust other people in power.

00:16:31:14 - 00:17:23:05
Matthew Krekeler
But as parents, I think being aware of each of those relationships that our kids are are having. But Chris, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it's such a difficult thing to talk about. I know like bringing this up again after going through trauma yourself in your family. But I really appreciate you sharing this. And and just for people at home that are listening to this, like being aware of all of those things, sometimes hearing other people's stories, often times like you don't necessarily self-reflect on things in your own life, but hearing other people's stories can make you more aware of potential risks of those relationships that could be good or bad.

00:17:23:21 - 00:17:44:15
Matthew Krekeler
But but thank you again for sharing that. And then I know you also have some resources on your website. So if you would love to learn more, please check out Chris's website. I'll put a link to that in the description and. Yeah. Thank you. If you've been impacted by these stories, if it's helps you in other ways, please share these episodes.

00:17:44:22 - 00:18:01:11
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, I'd love to raise awareness, especially for dads to just get those resources out there so that we can build a strong community of dads and parents that just want the best for their kids. So thank you so much for being a part of Girl Dad Nation. And until next time, go be a dad.

00:18:02:21 - 00:18:16:03
Chris McGhee
Thanks, Matthew.